| Submitted to Jewish Journal in October, 2004 A Bachelorett Party with Soul By: Ellie Ezzati, M.A., C.M.T. |
Are you inherently bothered by the idea of a bachelor/bachelorette party before your
wedding day? Do you find the prospect of spending a night with your friends and/or
family members going from strip bar to strip bar not very thrilling to say the least? or
how about calling exotic dancers to come to the house, or even watching porn videos?
But still you may find yourself getting sucked into having your friends throw you one of
these parties where you reluctantly agree to attend because you don’t want to be a bore
nor do you want to seem ungrateful.
Well, I was experiencing all this first hand starting a couple of months before my own
wedding day. I had always felt uncomfortable with the usual pre-wedding bashes and
even declined to go to other people’s. But now it was happening to myself.
I decided to turn down all the offers by friends and family to throw me one of these
parties. I even considered not having any parties at all but then I didn’t want to miss out
on special occasions that revolved around being celebrated. Then I thought about
getting together with some friends for dinner or possibly even going on a short, weekend
trip. But those options were not plausible either. I did not want to just get together for a
dinner and some laughs because I do that with friends on a regular basis and going on a
trip was out because many of my friends were already spending quite bit of money
coming to my wedding from all over the country. So I had to come up with another idea
quickly. But I just did not know what!
Then one night the idea came to me after watching my fiancé agonize over the same
ordeal with his friends. He did not want a bachelor party either and his friends were
pushing him into having one. It was then that I came up with the idea of having a
“Bachelorette party with Soul.” I decided to use my professional background to have my
friends throw me a one bachelorette party I would remember for the rest of my life.
First, I decided to turn inward and take inventory of where I was in my life at the time
and what it was that I really needed as I was embarking on a whole new journey towards
sacred matrimony. I looked within and realized that since several months back when we
had announced our wedding plans to everyone and had started to make all the
rearrangements, our life had taken such a dramatic turn. From our usual quiet,
harmonious and private lifestyle we were suddenly thrown into a frenzied cycle of busy
work, anxiety and stress. At the same time while our families were bustling with much
zeal and enthusiasm, old family wounds and dysfunctional dynamics were resurfacing
once again. I had my work cut out.
I realized I was simply exhausted. The enormous amount of energy that we were
expending did not equal in kind or amount of the positive energy coming in. The stress
was taking its toll on us and its signs could be detected in our relationship. I knew I had
been more irritable lately and less understanding with my partner. I also knew I was
depleted and I was not happy about it.
Once I had this realization, I knew that I did not want to go through my wedding day
feeling as tired and depleted in energy. It was then I decided to change things around. I
decided to take the opportunity that my friends and family were offering me to throw me
a bachelorette party and to instead do something soulful with it. After all I looked
forward to my friends coming together.
I ended up writing an email to each one letting them know that I wanted to have
memorable evening where all of them but in a way that was meaningful and significant
for me. I told them being surrounded by them and feeling their love around me was what
I really needed. I was hungry for some real emotional food and spiritual wisdom. I asked
each one to come to the gathering prepared to offer a gift. The gift was not to be physical
or monetary but rather emotional and/or spiritual in nature. Their gift could be expressed
or shared in the form of a poem, a story, a song, a dance or a painting that brought forth
their love, as well as their words of wisdom as I was about to embark on one of the most
important journeys of my life.
The experience turned out to be a bachelorette night all of us will remember for a while.
The night was filled with music, dance, storytelling, laughter, crying and plenty of hugs
for everyone in the room. The energy that was created that night was enough to carry all
of us through the next few days. I truly felt as thought these were women were my soul
sisters and mothers carrying me like a flock of angels to the gates of divine matrimony
where I would begin the next part of my life journey in sacred union.
wedding day? Do you find the prospect of spending a night with your friends and/or
family members going from strip bar to strip bar not very thrilling to say the least? or
how about calling exotic dancers to come to the house, or even watching porn videos?
But still you may find yourself getting sucked into having your friends throw you one of
these parties where you reluctantly agree to attend because you don’t want to be a bore
nor do you want to seem ungrateful.
Well, I was experiencing all this first hand starting a couple of months before my own
wedding day. I had always felt uncomfortable with the usual pre-wedding bashes and
even declined to go to other people’s. But now it was happening to myself.
I decided to turn down all the offers by friends and family to throw me one of these
parties. I even considered not having any parties at all but then I didn’t want to miss out
on special occasions that revolved around being celebrated. Then I thought about
getting together with some friends for dinner or possibly even going on a short, weekend
trip. But those options were not plausible either. I did not want to just get together for a
dinner and some laughs because I do that with friends on a regular basis and going on a
trip was out because many of my friends were already spending quite bit of money
coming to my wedding from all over the country. So I had to come up with another idea
quickly. But I just did not know what!
Then one night the idea came to me after watching my fiancé agonize over the same
ordeal with his friends. He did not want a bachelor party either and his friends were
pushing him into having one. It was then that I came up with the idea of having a
“Bachelorette party with Soul.” I decided to use my professional background to have my
friends throw me a one bachelorette party I would remember for the rest of my life.
First, I decided to turn inward and take inventory of where I was in my life at the time
and what it was that I really needed as I was embarking on a whole new journey towards
sacred matrimony. I looked within and realized that since several months back when we
had announced our wedding plans to everyone and had started to make all the
rearrangements, our life had taken such a dramatic turn. From our usual quiet,
harmonious and private lifestyle we were suddenly thrown into a frenzied cycle of busy
work, anxiety and stress. At the same time while our families were bustling with much
zeal and enthusiasm, old family wounds and dysfunctional dynamics were resurfacing
once again. I had my work cut out.
I realized I was simply exhausted. The enormous amount of energy that we were
expending did not equal in kind or amount of the positive energy coming in. The stress
was taking its toll on us and its signs could be detected in our relationship. I knew I had
been more irritable lately and less understanding with my partner. I also knew I was
depleted and I was not happy about it.
Once I had this realization, I knew that I did not want to go through my wedding day
feeling as tired and depleted in energy. It was then I decided to change things around. I
decided to take the opportunity that my friends and family were offering me to throw me
a bachelorette party and to instead do something soulful with it. After all I looked
forward to my friends coming together.
I ended up writing an email to each one letting them know that I wanted to have
memorable evening where all of them but in a way that was meaningful and significant
for me. I told them being surrounded by them and feeling their love around me was what
I really needed. I was hungry for some real emotional food and spiritual wisdom. I asked
each one to come to the gathering prepared to offer a gift. The gift was not to be physical
or monetary but rather emotional and/or spiritual in nature. Their gift could be expressed
or shared in the form of a poem, a story, a song, a dance or a painting that brought forth
their love, as well as their words of wisdom as I was about to embark on one of the most
important journeys of my life.
The experience turned out to be a bachelorette night all of us will remember for a while.
The night was filled with music, dance, storytelling, laughter, crying and plenty of hugs
for everyone in the room. The energy that was created that night was enough to carry all
of us through the next few days. I truly felt as thought these were women were my soul
sisters and mothers carrying me like a flock of angels to the gates of divine matrimony
where I would begin the next part of my life journey in sacred union.
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